(A totally unofficial, slightly joking, definitely needed guide to Downing Street damage control)
Happy anniversary, Prime Minister!
It’s been just over a year of grown-up politics, sober press conferences, and no one doing the Macarena in the Cabinet Room with half a bottle of warm rosé.
Frankly, it’s been… almost too normal.
So to keep the British tradition of Number 10 chaos alive, we thought: why not give Sir Keir Starmer a little gift?
A fake scandal. A mock meltdown. A make-believe Downing Street debacle.
Because what better way to mark 12 months in power than preparing for the thing no one ever wants: a full-blown PR crisis.
Crisis scenario: “Project Trainsformation”
Here’s the setup:
Downing Street proudly announces a bold new initiative to modernise Britain’s railway system—“Project Trainsformation.” It involves AI-powered ticket barriers, biometric seat reservations, and a chatbot named “Clement” who tells you your train’s cancelled in a polite 1950s accent.
The problem?
A leaked WhatsApp group shows a senior transport advisor joking:
“If we cancel 40% of trains, technically we’ve hit net zero emissions faster.”
The story explodes.
Commuters are furious. Unions smell blood.
The Sun runs with:
“TRAINWRECK GOVT: KEIR’S CANCEL CULTURE HITS THE RAILS”
Now what?
Keir’s 5-Step crisis plan (with notes from the ghost of scandals past):
Don’t pretend the leak was ‘taken out of context’.
It never works. We all know what sarcasm looks like.
Acknowledge it.
Call it inappropriate. Make it clear it doesn’t reflect policy. Move on.
Get a Minister who can actually speak human
We’ve had too many crisis interviews where someone in a hi-vis vest talks like a malfunctioning spreadsheet.
Pick someone with warmth, clarity, and the ability to say “Sorry” and show genuine empathy for people’s concerns.
Show the fix, not the fluff
It’s not about blaming the leaker. It’s about what you’re actually doing. Publish the investigation. Pause rollouts. Add real human override to the AI. Make it tangible.
Make a joke before the internet does
Lean in.
Don’t be flippant about the problem, but humour can take the heat out of the room—if you own it first.
How Labour’s handled the real stuff
Let’s be honest—they’ve already had a few curveballs. And didn’t completely combust. When Trump imposed tariffs on UK steel, the Labour government didn’t panic or resort to headline-grabbing outrage. Instead, they handled it with calm, coordinated diplomacy—reaching out to key allies, opening direct lines of communication, and explaining the UK’s position clearly and professionally. It was a grown-up response to a volatile situation, and it helped contain the fallout without unnecessary drama.
Final thought – let’s keep the boring crisis-free Britain… mostly
We’re not saying Labour should have a scandal just to show off their media training.
(Though if someone’s AI chatbot accidentally books Jacob Rees-Mogg into a seat next to Mick Lynch, we’d absolutely watch that livestream.)
But when crisis does come—and it always does—the British public won’t judge you for the mess. They’ll judge you by how you clean it up.
So here’s to a second year of grown-up government.
And if things do go off the rails?
Just don’t lie about the trains.
Read our next blog on: Why ChatGPT is making PR more valuable than ever